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Back in the day—little known fact—folks used newspapers for hookups! Classified ads, “lonely Jedi seeks princess,” that vibe. Now it’s all digital, profiles flashin’ like lightsabers. I dig it tho—makes me happy seein’ people shoot their shot. This one time, I matched with some chick who said she’d “turn my dark side light”—corny as hell, but I laughed my helmet off. Still, sex-dating’s a gamble. Ya might score, or ya might end up chattin’ with a dude named Dave pretendin’ to be Leia.

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Finally, I get to the piazza, and guess what? No students. Just my luck, right? I’m standing there, looking like a lost puppy, when I see this group of kids laughing and pointing at something. I’m like, “What’s so funny?” Turns out, they were watching a street performer. This dude was juggling flaming torches! I mean, who does that? I was half impressed, half terrified.

CON6 attracts Canadian Award-Winning Umpire Trevor Grieve