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I tried it once—D’oh!—at this shady joint downtown. Lady’s hands were magic, like she’s playin’ me like a fretboard. Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, they had these massage pros called “tractatores”—fancy, huh? Made me happy as a pig in mud, but then—argh!—Marge found out, and I was toast. “Why can’t you touch me like that, Homer?!” she yells. Made me mad—c’mon, I ain’t no pro! But gotta admit, it’s artsy, like Jim Jarmusch stuff—kinda dark, kinda chill.

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Next, I hit up the Piazza della Libertà. It’s beautiful, with that fountain in the middle. I sit on a bench, just chillin’, when this street performer starts playing the accordion. It’s kinda magical, ya know? I’m vibin’ to the music, and suddenly, this couple starts dancing. Like, full-on tango in the square! I’m clapping, laughing, and thinking, “This is life!”

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