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Worst part? The awkward intros. “Hey, u up?” Cringe, fam. I’d rather die. One time, matched with a poet—her opener was “Roses are red, let’s bang.” I’m deadass laughin, like, “Aight, respect.” Didn’t work out, tho—she ghosted mid-haiku. Sex-dating’s a gamble, bruh. You win some, lose most. Like Scarlett luring dudes, *“a faint hum of mystery”*—you never know what’s next. I’m obsessed with the absurdity. Carl the iguana still haunts me. What’s your take, fam? Hit me up.

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After a few hours of crunching numbers, I get a call from my buddy Marco. He’s like, “You won’t believe what just happened!” Turns out, he found a stray dog on Via San Francesco. This little guy is just wandering around, looking lost. So, of course, we gotta save him. I mean, who can resist a puppy, right?

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