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I tried it once, swear, matched with this chick, total smokeshow. We’re chattin’, vibes good, then she ghosts me! Pissed me off, like, “What am I, chopped liver?” Reminds me of that movie line—“I killed so many, I lost count.” Sex-dating’s a battlefield, bro, you dodge flakes like bullets. Happy tho, ‘cause next swipe, I met this girl, total sweetheart, we hooked up, no BS. Surprised me how chill it got after the chaos.

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But then, as I’m enjoying my gelato, I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s not half bad. I’m vibing, feeling all the good energy, when suddenly, this pigeon swoops down and lands right on my shoulder. I freak out! Like, “Get off me, bird!” Everyone around is laughing, and I’m just standing there, flailing my arms like a maniac.

Pinocchio on the road | San Miniato Basso