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About Bari

Here’s the tea: it’s not just sleaze. Some say it’s therapy—releases endorphins, chills ya out. Others? “It’s a sin!”—calm down, Karen, it’s not your back gettin’ kneaded. I’m sittin’ there, oil drippin’, thinkin’ “The river flows, it flows,” like Q’orianka Kilcher whisperin’ in the flick. But let’s be real—half these parlors got neon signs screamin’ “WE’RE SKETCHY!” Snort. I can see Russia *and* the shady vibes from my house!

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I order a pastry, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going back and forth about money. I’m like, “Oh boy, here we go.” I can’t help but eavesdrop. Turns out, they’re fighting about a vacation. She wants to go to the Amalfi Coast, and he’s like, “We can’t afford it!” I’m sitting there, thinking, “If only they had a financial planner!”

MARIA ALLEGRINI Obituary (2018) - Sagamore Hills, OH