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Me, I’d be like, “How do I know what’s real?” Straight outta Memento, memory all fuzzy post-massage. I’d probs exaggerate to my girls, “Yeah, he rubbed me into next week!” LOL, dramatic much? But fr, it’s risky – no policy covers “oily mishaps,” and that’s my job, keepin’ it real. Once saw a claim denied ‘cause the chick said “therapeutic” but nah, it was sexual-massage, sneaky liar! Pissed me off, don’t waste my time!

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After the lecture, I’m feeling pumped. I decide to treat myself to gelato. I head over to this little gelateria on Piazza della Libertà. I order pistachio, my fave. But the guy behind the counter? Total weirdo. He starts talking about how pistachios are the “soul of Italy.” I’m just nodding, like, “Sure, buddy, whatever you say.”

Holocene Critical Zone dynamics in an Alpine catchment inferred from a speleothem multiproxy record: disentangling climate and human influences