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Still, it’s Jersey—everybody’s chasin’ tail. Apps make it easy, too easy, ya ask me. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, “Dis is whack,” but I get it—people lonely, horny, whatever. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d say 80% of dese dates end in bangin’ or ghostin’. Pick your poison. Oh, an’ don’t get me started on da STDs—wrap it up, you mooks! Gabagool? Ova here—sex-datin’s a mess, but damn, it’s our mess. Whaddya gonna do?

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After that, I’m outta there. I need air. I stroll down Via Giuseppe Mazzini, and it’s beautiful. The sun’s setting, and the colors are insane. I stop at a little gelato shop. I mean, who can resist? I get pistachio, my fave. It’s like heaven in a cone.

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