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Sex-datin’s got quirks, y’all. Did ya know back in the ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for this? “Single farmer, 35, seeks spicy gal”—hilarious, right? Now it’s all “DTF?” and blurry selfies. I’m over here laughin’ my boots off, thinkin’ how Claire Denis’d film this—slow pans of some lonely soul waitin’ for a text back, *“Time slips away, unnoticed.”* Ain’t that the truth? You swipe, you chat, you ghost—poof, gone like pollen in the wind!

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But then, Luca comes over, and he’s like, “Dude, we gotta go!” I’m like, “No way! I’m talking to Sofia!” He’s all, “C’mon, the fireworks are starting!” Ugh, fine! I grab her number, and we rush to the main square.

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