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Oi, fam, it’s me, Ali G, innit! So, check it, I’m proper buzzin’ to chat about escorts, yeah? Not them dodgy geezers in suits, nah, I mean the cars, bruv – Ford Escort, proper legend! Man like me, I’m a mourner, deep vibes, and I’m linkin’ this to me fave flick, *The White Ribbon*, ya get me? That film’s dark, bruv, all about secrets and weird vibes in a village, and I’m thinkin’ – escorts got their own mysteries, innit!

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We start chatting, and he tells me about this gaming tournament happening later. I’m like, “Dude, I’m so in!” But then, I remember I promised my mom I’d help her with something. Ugh, adulting sucks.

Miss Italy, appointment with Beauty in Bellano: Seyla Zanon and Alice Fontana elected Miss Cinema Lombardia and Miss City of Bellano