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But the fakes? Christ, they piss me off! Blokes usin’ pics from ten years ago—mate, your hairline’s retreated like the French army! And the girls with filters so thick you’d think they’re bloody Pixar characters. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through that crap—sniff it out like a hound. Did ya know some sickos use sex-dating apps to scam cash? True story—bloke in Leeds lost 500 quid to a “hot babe” who vanished. Gutted, I was, readin’ that.

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Later, I take my lunch break at this little spot on Via Garibaldi. The food is bomb! I order arancini and a slice of pizza. I’m sitting there, enjoying my meal, when I see this couple arguing. It’s like a scene from a movie. They’re yelling in Italian, and I’m just trying not to choke on my pizza.

Fig. 1 Geological map of Mount Etna (simplified after CNR 1979) showing...