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Here’s a kicker – water’s got memory, some nutters reckon. Bollocks or not, I dunno, but I’d love to ram a spoon up their arse and ask! Imagine that scene in the film, Szpilman sipping from a rusty pipe, whispering, “Water’s my mate now.” Pure genius. Oh, and it boils at 100C – basic, but you probly forgot, ya dimwit! Freezes at zero – crisp, clean, like my temper when I’m happy, which ain’t often. Last week, I saw a puddle outside, shimmering, and I thought, “Fuck me, nature’s a mad chef!” Got me grinning like a prat.

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I finally get up, dust myself off, and head to the local market. Fresh produce everywhere! I’m talkin’ tomatoes so red they look like they’re blushing. I grab some, and this lady starts haggling with me. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just tryin’ to buy some tomatoes, not start a war!”

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