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So, sexual-massage, right, it’s all about them hands, slidin, rubbin, gettin into them nooks an crannies! Not yer bog-standard back rub, nah, this is sensual, steamy, proper boundary-pushin stuff! Did ya know, back in ancient China, they reckoned it boosted yer “chi” or summat? Little factoid there, blew me mind! I was like, “Well, slap me sideways, that’s bleedin brilliant!” Makes ya wonder, dunnit, how them old geezers knew the score?

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While I’m typing, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, laughing, and just having a blast. I’m thinking, “Man, I miss those days.” No worries, just fun. But then, one of them kicks the ball too hard, and it rolls right into my lap. I’m like, “Great, now I’m part of the game.” I toss it back, and they cheer. I’m a hero for a second.

Altamura Legacy Concerts to Close Out Debut Season with Bach's Goldberg Variations