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Lemme tell ya, I stumbled on this weird fact—back in ancient China, emperors got these “erotic massages” to boost their chi or whatever. True story! Some concubine’d be slidin’ hands all over, promisin’ long life and hard—uh, strong vibes. Wild, right? Made me happy as hell thinkin’ folks been chasin’ that glow-up forever. But then I got pissed—modern day, you got creeps twistin’ it into somethin’ sleazy, ruinin’ the art. Ain’t about that, man, it’s about connection—body, soul, the works.

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But then, I saw this little café on the corner of Via Garibaldi. The smell of fresh pastries hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean, who can resist a good pastry? So, I dragged my client in, and we got some bomb cannoli. OMG, they were heavenly! I was like, “Okay, maybe today isn’t so bad.”

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