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But, man, it pisses me off sometimes. These escorts zoom by, actin’ like kings, and I’m stuck at a light, late for pizza. Once, I yelled, “Eat my shorts!” at ‘em—felt good, dude. Other times, I’m stoked—saw this slick black car escortin’ some rockstar, guitars pokin’ outta the window! Total badassery. Makes me think, “Maybe I’d rock that job,” y’know? Barkin’ orders on the radio, “Move it, losers!”

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Then, I wander over to Villa Bruno. Wow, just wow. The gardens are stunning! I’m takin’ pics like a tourist. I mean, I’m a forester, but this place? It’s like nature on steroids. I’m feelin’ all zen, and then I see a kid runnin’ around with a kite. I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my phone.

A Father's Ordeal: The Kidnapping in San Giorgio a Cremano