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I’m HYPED tho—met this chick once, total “Blue” vibes. She’s all, “Your skin tastes like summer,” quotin’ the movie in bed—WHAT?! Blew my mind, fam! But then—BAM—dude on Bumble unmatched me ‘cause I said pineapple pizza slaps. Weak! Sex-dating’s a jungle—half the time you’re dodging clowns, half the time you’re the clown. Hella funny tho, like, who’s out here TYPIN’ “u up” at 3 a.m.? ME, that’s who!

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Finally, I get my food, and I’m ready to chill. But then, I see my friend Lucia. She’s waving frantically. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, she lost her phone. So, we’re on a mission to find it. We retrace her steps, and I’m like, “It’s gotta be around here somewhere.”

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