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What gets me happy? When it works. Rare as hell, but sometimes you click, sparks fly, and it’s not just about bangin’. Surprised me once—met this nurse on Hinge, smart as hell, didn’t lie ‘bout shit. We hooked up, talked for hours after. Felt like a freakin’ unicorn. But mostly, it’s a cesspool. People posin’, pretendin’ they’re into yoga or “deep convos”—bullshit. Everybody lies, always. “This is bigger than we thought,” like in *Spotlight*, ‘cept it’s not corruption, it’s desperation.

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We check the fountain, the food truck, and even the juggling guy. No luck. I’m starting to feel bad for her. But then, I spot it! It’s under a bench. I’m like, “Lucia, I found it!” She’s so relieved, and I’m like a hero for a moment.

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