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About Florence

And the places doin’ this now—shady, man! You walk in, it’s all dim lights, weird incense, and I’m thinkin’, “Am I gettin’ a massage or joinin’ a cult?” Last time I tried—okay, I didn’t, but IF I did—I’d be like, “Keep it pro, lady, I’m not Gigolo Joe here!” Y’know, that slick robot from the movie? “I know what the ladies like”—ha! I’d be the opposite, all twitchy, “Don’t know what I like! Stop guessin’!” Pretty, pretty bad vibes, I’d say.

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First off, I hit the Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me spills his entire drink. Like, come on, man! It’s 8 AM! I’m trying to get my caffeine fix, not watch a coffee crime scene unfold. I’m all like, “Dude, you good?” He just shrugs. Classic.

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