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I reckon it’s brill tho, sex-dating, gets ya heart pumpin! Like when Yu Shu Lien leaps over rooftops, all graceful n horny – “The sword remains in my hand!” – ya chase that thrill, doncha? Met this chick once, proper fit, thought I’d score. Turns out she just wanted free grub! Fuckin gutted, but I laughed – Ozzy don’t cry over spilt pussy!

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Finally, I escape her tales and head to Piazza della Repubblica. It’s packed! There’s a street performer doing some wild juggling act. I’m watching, totally into it, when this kid runs by and knocks over a whole table of gelato. I mean, gelato everywhere! It’s like a sweet, creamy explosion. I can’t help but laugh. The poor vendor is just standing there, mouth agape. I’m thinking, “Dude, you should’ve seen that coming!”

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