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One time, I’m out, right? This chick, she’s got legs for days, leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig. I roll up, all smooth, like, “Say hello to my little friend!” She laughs, says, “You got cash, big man?” Hell yeah, I got cash! But then – boom – her pimp jumps outta nowhere, all “Who’s this cabrón?” Made me so mad, I nearly pulled my piece! “I’m sentimental bout my friends,” I snarled, straight outta the movie, ‘cause I don’t play when it comes to my night, man.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. Gotta love that little café on the corner. Best cappuccino in town, no joke. But guess what? They ran outta milk! Like, how do you run outta milk in Italy? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon! It’s not like I asked for unicorn tears or something.

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