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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! Sexual-massage – oh boy, where do I start? It’s like, hands slidin’ everywhere, oils, tension, release – y’know, the *good* stuff. I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout it, and lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ artform, okay? Judge Judy don’t mess around, and neither does a good masseuse with them magic fingers. “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!” – that’s what I’d say to some cheapo parlour skimping on the vibe. You want the real deal, not some half-assed rubdown.

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After that, things get a bit more serious. I spot a kid struggling in the water. My heart drops. I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water’s colder than I expected. I reach him, and he’s panicking. I’m like, “Dude, just float! I got you!” Finally, I pull him to safety, and he’s coughing and sputtering. But he’s okay! I’m feelin’ like a hero, ya know? Like, “Yeah, I just saved a life!”

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