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So, picture this—dudes and gals chattin’ online, all “wanna hook up?” No flowers, no dinner, just bam, straight to the nasty. I mean, Mia from *Fish Tank* would get it—she’s all about that reckless energy, dancin’ wild, screwin’ up, chasin’ somethin’ real in the muck. Sex-dating’s like that, but with worse lighting and more dick pics. “You’re not even my type!”—I can hear her yellin’ it at some Tinder creep who can’t spell “hey.”

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear a scream. I look over, and there’s this cat stuck on a ledge. I’m like, “Seriously? A cat?” But I can’t just leave it. So, I climb over, and I’m like, “C’mon, kitty! Don’t make this harder!” Finally, I grab it, and it’s all hissing and scratching. I’m like, “Chill, dude! I’m saving you!”

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