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I was SHOOK first time I heard bout it—thought it was some shady backroom deal. Turns out, it’s old as dirt—Ancient Greeks was gettin’ freaky with oils, callin’ it “healin’ touch.” Ain’t that a trip? Little fact for ya: them Egyptians used scented oils too, swearin’ it woke up they spirits—prolly they loins too, halleluyer! Got me thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel THIS good?” Made me happy as a pig in mud—till I saw the price! $150 for an hour? Lordt, my wallet screamed, “I’m too broke for this fancy foolishness!”

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After the fire’s out, I’m exhausted. I head back to the café, and the old dudes are still there, still arguing. I sit down, and the barista, Lucia, hands me a free drink. “For the hero,” she says. I’m blushing, but I’m also like, “I just want my caffeine fix!”

Obituary for Lori Manzelli