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Little known fact—didja know Cronenberg shot that movie in like, 30 days? Tight schedule, no BS—just like sex-dating! You got 30 secs to impress ‘fore they ghost ya. I’m pissed, man! These apps—swipe, swipe, swipe—like I’m auditionin’ for their bedroom! And the pics? Filters out the wazoo! Met a dude once—profile showed abs, real life? Flabs! “This ain’t what I signed up for!” I yell, channelin’ my inner Larry. He’s all, “Chill, it’s just lighting.” LIGHTING MY ASS! I’m furious, stompin’ outta there like Viggo smashin’ that guy’s nose—CRUNCH!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I just bought a new shirt! I duck into a gelato shop on Via Garibaldi. I mean, if I’m gonna get soaked, I might as well enjoy some gelato, right? I get a scoop of pistachio and a scoop of stracciatella. Heaven in a cup! I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ the rain, and it’s kinda peaceful.

16 teams from 14 countries impatient to set sail on Lake Garda