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Gets me goin’, but—agh!—some blokes trashed ‘em, called ‘em “granny wagons.” Pissed me off, ya know? Like, chill, daddy-o, this ain’t no snooze-fest! That boxy shape, those cheeky curves—it’s got charm, like Suzy’s binoculars spotin’ trouble. “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re doing!”—that’s me yellin’ at the haters, ha! Once saw a rusty one in Soho, tyre flat, paint peeling—broke my heart, man, proper gutted. Nearly cried into me martini.

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Finally, I get to the beach. It’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screaming, and I’m just trying to find a spot to lay my towel. I finally find a little patch of sand, and I’m like, “Yes! Victory!” But then, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich. Like, what the heck? I’m just trying to enjoy my day, and now I’m a victim of seagull theft.

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