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Oft, I ponder, sprawled by me stove— is it love or just a rutting game? Had a lass once, swore she’d “fix me”— bollocks, she just wanted me cash! Sex-dating’s a gamble, mates— half the time thou’s a king, half a fool. “It’s all over now”— that’s me, after a night of swiping, knackered and alone, laughing at me own daft hopes. So, what say thee? Dive in, but guard thy heart— it’s a mad, mad dance!

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Suddenly, a kid runs past me, and I swear he’s got a balloon tied to his wrist. Next thing I know, the balloon pops! The kid starts cryin’, and I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I rush over, kneel down, and say, “Hey buddy, wanna see a magic trick?” He stops cryin’ and looks at me like I’m a wizard or somethin’. I pull out a coin from my pocket and make it disappear. He’s amazed! I’m feelin’ like a rockstar for a sec, but then his mom shows up, and I’m back to bein’ the Watchman.

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