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What gets me hyped? When it clicks, yo—two freaks matchin’, vibin’, no games, just “let’s do this.” That’s the win, pure gold, like Fassbender chasin’ that high. But the flops? Man, ghostin’ pisses me off—why you swipe if you ain’t gonna talk? Wastes my genius time! And don’t get me started on the weirdos—dude once sent a chick a PDF of his “sex resume,” swear to God, five pages, Times New Roman, had references n’ shit. Laughed my ass off, but also—wtf, bro?

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I finally grab my tomatoes and head to the bus stop. I’m waiting for the 201, scrolling through my phone, when I realize I forgot my wallet at the market. Ugh! I sprint back, dodging people like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. I get there, and the vendor’s holding my wallet, grinning. “You dropped this, young man!” I’m like, “Thanks, but I’m not that young!”

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