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So, sexual-massage—ain’t just some rubdown, nah. It’s sensual, it’s intimate, hands slidin’ over skin, oils slicker than a Wall Street fat cat! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s art—like a melody you feel in yer bones. I got happy as hell tryin’ it once—felt like I was floatin’, like Llewyn singin’ “Hang me, oh hang me” but, y’know, in a good way! Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this stuff—called “tantric touch”—to “balance their chi.” Bullshit? Maybe, but it worked for ‘em!

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But then, I get back to my post, and I see a group of teenagers spray-paintin’ a wall. I’m like, “C’mon, guys! Not here!” But they’re all about their “art.” I mean, I get it, but there’s a time and place, ya know? I’m tryin’ to be the responsible Watchman, but I’m also thinkin’, “That’s kinda cool.”

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