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Oh, and don’t get me started on them shady parlors! Some spots promise “full release” but give ya a handshake and a bill—fuck that noise! I’m like, “Motherfucker, I ain’t here for a high-five!” Truth tho, best ones? Them underground joints. Heard a story ‘bout this gal in Bangkok—legend says she massaged a guy so good he levitated. Fuckin’ levitated, man! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d buy that shit!

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Then, I decided to grab a coffee at this cute little café on Via Garibaldi. The barista, bless her heart, was having a rough morning. She spilled milk everywhere. I mean, everywhere! It was like a dairy explosion. I couldn’t help but laugh. She looked at me like I was the devil. I was like, “Hey, it’s all good! Just a little extra flavor!” She didn’t find it funny. But I got my cappuccino, and it was bomb.

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