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Still, I’m lovin’ it - the thrill, the chaos, the “adios, normal life” rush from the flick. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I reckon I could’ve charmed her if I’d not been such a tit. Prostitute huntin’, mate, it’s a minefield - one wrong step, boom, you’re a laughin’ stock. Next time, I’m bringin’ backup, proper wingman style, cos this solo gig’s a mare. What a night, eh? Absolute carnage!

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma. It was like a scene from a movie. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was ready to conquer the world. But then, bam! I stepped in some dog poop. Like, really? Who lets their dog do that in the middle of the sidewalk? Ugh! I was fuming.

The Michelin-starred couple on an island of 300 souls creating true ethical cuisine in the lagoon: Venissa and its dishes.