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Sex-dating’s wild, bruv. You got yer Tinder, yer Bumble, all dat jazz. I’m scrollin’, seein’ bare profiles – some lass wiv a bio sayin’ “Luvs dogs n Netflix,” and I’m like, “Cheers, darlin’, but where’s da spice?” Den you got da sneaky ones, yeah, sendin’ nudes faster dan you can say “Fincher’s a genius.” Made me proper happy first time – “Oh, she’s keen!” – but den it’s like, “We’re not even close!” Straight outta “Zodiac,” dat line, innit – chasin’ shadows, no real connect.

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First off, I hit the road on Via Roma. You know, the main drag. Traffic was already a mess. Like, come on, people! It’s 8 AM, not rush hour in Tokyo! I’m sittin’ there, honkin’ my horn like a maniac. I swear, if I see one more person on their phone, I’m gonna lose it.

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