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Oh, and the johns? Pathetic! Droolin’ over glittery skirts, payin’ for a hug. Reminds me of that movie line, “You’re my everything,” but it’s all fake! Sarcasm’s my pal here – escorts prolly laughin’ all the way to the bank. Me? I’d rather cuddle a rock. True story: in Vegas, some escort got paid in casino chips – chips! – and lost it all at blackjack. Dumb as a sack o’ hobbits!

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Finally, I decide to head back to my hotel. I’m soaked, my mood’s all over the place, and I just wanna chill. But wait! I see a sign for a local festival. What? In the middle of all this chaos? I’m intrigued.