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Love me some Brokeback, tho—those mountains, that quiet pain. Escort? Ain’t quiet, just whines. “This ain’t no way to live,” I snarl, watchin’ it stall. Buddy o’ mine had one—swore it was “reliable.” Bullshit. Broke down every damn week. Laughed my ass off, dark-side style. “Your lack of faith disturbs me,” I told him. He sold it—good riddance.

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First off, I’m strolling down Via Roma, coffee in hand, feeling like a boss. But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the one that’s been sitting there since last week. My shoes? Ruined. I’m talking soggy socks, the whole nine yards. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking, “Great start, genius.”

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