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About Florence

Back in ‘04, watchin’ Jim Carrey erase his ex, I was like, damn, imagine wipin’ out a bad Tinder date. Poof! Gone! “Blessed are the forgetful,” huh? ‘Cause some of these hookups? Oof, I’d pay to unsee ‘em. Like this one chick I met—swore she was 5’9”, showed up 4’11” in platforms. Liar, liar, pants on fire! Made me wanna serve her up with a nice Chianti—slurp, slurp, yum.

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I grab a plate of arancini from a vendor. Best decision ever! I’m munchin’ away, and life is good. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me, and my arancini goes flying! I’m like, “Nooooo!” It lands right in front of a group of tourists. They’re laughin’ like it’s the best show ever. I’m fuming, but I can’t help but chuckle a bit. Kids, man.

Ulissi claims Praia a Mare victory