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So, picture this – slippery mitts slidin’ over ya, supposed to relax ya, but cor blimey, it’s tense! Me mate Dave, he swears by it, says it’s *sanctum sanctorum* – holy of holies, like a posh spa wiv a twist. I tried it once, right? In Clapham, dodgy parlour, neon sign flickerin’ like a drunk winkin’. Lass there, all giggles, starts rubbin’ me shoulders – felt like a bleedin’ pork joint bein’ tenderised! “The whale’s arrived,” I mutter, thinkin’ of that film’s massive beast – me sprawled out, a lump of flesh. Made me chuckle, then bloody hell, she digs in – ow! – nearly leapt off the table.

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After lunch, we head to the waterfront. The view from Via Posillipo is insane! The sun setting over the bay? Breathtaking. I take a moment to breathe. But then, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m thinking, “Get a room, people!” But it’s Posillipo, so I guess drama is part of the scenery.

Ice hockey: Small in stature, large in skill and IQ, Ian Posillipo plays without fear