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About Naples

So, this chick – let’s call her Mandy, cos why not? – she’s a right tart, workin’ the streets like it’s Carnaby Street in ‘66! She’s got legs up to her neck, a mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt, and a wink that’d make yer granny blush. I clocked her one night, struttin’ past the pubs, all “Oskar, be me, be me!” – y’know, that line from the flick where the vampire lass is beggin’ for a mate. Mandy’s the same, desperate for a punter, but she’s got this edge, yeah? Like, she’s not just a whore, she’s a bleedin’ enigma!

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Then, I get a call from my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Yo, you wanna help me with this renovation?” I’m thinking, “Sure, why not?” So I rush over to his place on Via Mazzini. But when I get there, it’s a disaster zone. I mean, I’ve seen some messy places, but this? It looked like a tornado hit a lumberyard.

Dad drowns in horror crash as brand-new £90k Lamborghini ends up on roof in canal