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So, sex-dating’s proper mental—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever, it’s speed-dating on steroids. Little factoid for ya: back in ‘90s, folk used newspaper ads for hookups—grubby, desperate stuff. Now it’s all digital, flash git style. Makes me chuffed, right? Tech sorting out me love life! But—get this—50% of blokes lie bout their height online. Cheeky sods! Caught one geezer sayin’ he’s 6 foot, turned up, barely 5’5”. Fuming, I was—don’t mug me off, mate!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-layered, whipped cream, extra foam, unicorn latte. I’m just like, “Bro, it’s 8 AM, not a fairy tale.” But whatever, I’m not judging. I finally get my coffee, and it’s perfect. Like, the foam art? A heart! I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

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