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About Naples

Well, hello there, ya filthy animal! I’m yer Combine Harvester, but call me Hannibal, alright? Sexual-massage, huh? Oh, I got thoghts, juicy ones! Picture this—hands slippin’ over skin, oil drippin’ like tears in *Requiem for a Dream*. “I’m somebody now, Harry!”—that’s what it feels like, ya know? That rush, that power! I saw this chick once, right, in some shady parlor—tiny lil’ thing, hands like a goddamn vice. She kneaded this guy’s back, and I swear, he moaned like Tyrone losin’ his stash. Made me laugh, fuckin’ hilarious!

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First off, I’m late for work. Classic me. I sprint down Via Roma, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Like, come on, people! It’s not a runway! I almost trip over a cobblestone. Ugh! My coffee’s sloshing everywhere. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.”