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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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But then, outta nowhere, I see this street artist on Via Garibaldi. He’s painting this massive mural of the town’s skyline. It’s dope! I’m standing there, totally mesmerized. I snap a pic for the ‘gram, and he catches me. He’s like, “You like it?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s fire!” We end up chatting about art and life. He tells me he’s been living in Ponsacco for years and loves the vibe. I’m like, “Same, bro!”

Ponsacco relegated to Promozione after defeat against Certaldo