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Humor in this? Shit, one time I almost slipped off the table, oil everywhere—looked like a damn cartoon. “Nice and slow,” she says, while I’m flailin’. Laughed my ass off after. Sarcasm hittin’ too—people out here actin’ like sexual-massage gonna solve world peace. Chill, it’s just a rub, not a UN meeting. Still, I’m obsessed, it’s my guilty lil’ flex. “What can I do?” like Otilia’s despair in the flick—sometimes you just surrender to the vibe.

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Finally, I get home, and I’m exhausted. I flop on my couch, and my phone buzzes again. It’s my team. They’re all texting about the retreat. I can’t believe it. They’re actually excited! I mean, who knew?

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