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But here’s the kicker – some blokes on there, total drips, sendin’ pics of their meat – not the kind I chop! Made me proper mad, like “Oi, mate, keep it classy!” I ain’t here for that rubbish. Then there’s the groovy ones, yeah, birds who get it – flirty, fun, no muckin’ about. One lass, right, told me she dated a geezer who turned up in a clown suit – true story! Sex-dating’s got these nutty tales, keeps ya on yer toes.

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Finally, I find a little corner by the bridge on Via San Giovanni. It’s not ideal, but whatever. I set up my rod, and just as I’m about to cast, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta come to the piazza! There’s free food!” I’m torn, man. Fish or free food? I mean, who can resist free food?

Strike Cumana, Circumvesuviana and MetroCampania NordEst the 21 October 2016