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I tried it once—don’t judge, I was bored. Matched this knight, all “m’lady” this, “m’lady” that. Met up, and he smelled like horse arse. Horse arse! I said, “I choose violence,” and tipped my goblet on his head. Felt good, real good. Surprised me how many losers think a blurry dick pic’s a love letter. “Where were you when I laid the first stone?” I mutter, starin’ at their rubbish. Makes me angry, all this desperation—where’s the dignity, eh?

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So, I get to the apartment, and the kids are wild. I’m talking full-on tornado mode. There’s Luca, the 6-year-old, bouncing off the walls. And then there’s Sofia, the 4-year-old, who’s just... well, she’s a drama queen. She’s crying because her favorite toy is “lost.” Spoiler alert: it’s under the couch.

'The Democratic Party is Dead': Senate Leader Jason Pizzo Quits Party, Becomes Independent