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About Turin

I reckon it’s ancient, yeah? Them Greeks or Romans – prolly both – mucky buggers, they’d slap oil on and go to town. Little known fact – some bloke in Thailand, centuries back, mixed massage with a cheeky twist, and bam, sexual-massage was born! Gets me all giddy thinkin’ ‘bout it – happy vibes, mate! But then, some twats mess it up, makin’ it dodgy, and I’m like – “Oi, keep it class, ya wankers!” Pisses me off, that does.

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Then, I head over to the canal, Naviglio di Piove. It’s beautiful, but man, the smell! Like, what’s going on? I swear, it’s like a mix of fish and something else. I almost gagged. But then I see this couple taking selfies, and I’m like, “Okay, that’s cute.” They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m just standing there, single as a Pringle.