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Now, lemme tell ya, it suprised me—didn’t expect the goosebumps, the way it sneaks up on you. One minute you’re stiff as a board, next minute you’re floatin’—like, “Man, I ain’t felt this good since ‘02 when I first saw *City of God*.” That movie’s my jam, y’all—gritty, messy, real as fuck. Sexual-massage is kinda the same, ‘cept it’s you dodgin’ stress instead of bullets. “Run, kid, run!”—nah, just lay there and let the hands do the work.

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Then, I head over to the canal, Naviglio di Piove. It’s beautiful, but man, the smell! Like, what’s going on? I swear, it’s like a mix of fish and something else. I almost gagged. But then I see this couple taking selfies, and I’m like, “Okay, that’s cute.” They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m just standing there, single as a Pringle.