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About Naples

Hola, precious! Me, Gollum, elevator operator, yesss. Sex-dating? We hates it! Nasty, tricky appses, swiping left, right, ugh! Met this one hobbit—er, human—on Tinder, thought, “Oh, she’s sweet, like Carol.” Y’know, my fave flick, *Carol*, 2015? “There’s nothing wrong with wanting,” she says in it. Pfft, lies! This chick ghosts me after two chats—two! We was fuming, precious, like, what’s the point?

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So, I decide to grab some gelato at Gelateria Piovese. Best decision ever! I go for pistachio, my fave. But as I’m enjoying it, I see this guy trip and fall right in front of me. I’m talking full-on faceplant. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, c’mon, it was hilarious! He gets up, all embarrassed, and I’m like, “Dude, you good?” He just brushes it off, but I’m still chuckling.