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So, I’m cruisin’, lookin’ for the one, and I see this fit bird, proper peng. I’m like, “Aight, love, what’s good?” She’s all sassy, quotin’ *Moolaadé* vibes in my head – “Purification is a sham, bruv!” I’m laughin’, ‘cos she don’t even know she’s droppin’ bars. I ask her rate, and she’s like, “50 quid, quick ting.” I’m fumin’ – 50? For a shag? Inflation’s hittin’ the prossie game too! Last week, my mate Dave got a knee-trembler for 20. What’s this, Brexit tax?

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Anyway, I finally made it to the university. It’s a cute little place, nestled between the hills. The students? They’re awesome! But today, they were a bit too...let’s say, “enthusiastic.” I mean, I love their energy, but when one dude started a debate about pizza toppings in the middle of my lecture, I almost lost it. Pineapple on pizza? Really? I had to remind them we’re here to learn, not to start a food war.

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