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Now, Donald Trump loves winning, right? Erotic-massage wins—relaxes you, fires you up, dual action! Sometimes I’m like, “Why ain’t this in every hotel?”—dumb question, ‘cause it’s hush-hush. Underground vibe—makes it hotter, honestly. “You’re not like me,” Scarlett’s alien says—well, duh, erotic-massage ain’t like regular stuff! It’s naughty, sneaky—gets the blood pumping, bigly.

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So, I thought, let’s get some fresh air. I walked over to Via della Repubblica. The street was buzzing. Street performers, food stalls, you name it. I saw this guy juggling flaming torches. I was like, “Dude, you’re gonna set yourself on fire!” But he was good. I mean, really good. I clapped, and he winked at me. I felt special for a sec.