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We swears! Worst bit? Ghostin’. Match with some sexy elf, chat’s fire, then poof – gone! Makes me wanna scream, “You have no power here!” like M. Gustave ragin’ at rude pricks. Me quirks? I mutter “my precious” when I score a date – fuckin’ weird, I know. Sex-dating’s a gamble, mate – ya win some, ya lose some, but damn, it’s a riot!

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But then, I get a text. It’s from my studio. The kiln’s on fire. I’m like, “No way!” I bolt outta there, running through the streets of Pergine-Valsugana. I’m dodging people, tripping over cobblestones. It’s a scene straight outta a movie.

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