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Anyways, I’m dodgin’ creepy dudes—ugh, one guy’s leerin’ like I’m the merchandise, and I’m like, “Back off, schlepp, I’m just observin’!” Made me so mad, I nearly whacked him with my purse—vintage Gucci, no less! But then, this one chick—gorgeous, total babe—she winks at me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re too good for this!” Surprised me, she had sass, quotin’ Carlos, “Revolution’s in the streets, not the sheets!” I’m dyin’, laughin’—she’s a philosopher hooker, who knew?

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But then, BAM! Outta nowhere, this old lady trips over her shopping bags. I rush over, heart racing. She’s fine, just a bit shaken. But I’m like, “Lady, you gotta watch where you’re going!” She just laughs and says, “I’m just trying to keep up with the young folks!” Classic.

Aqua Jewels by Marcel Wanders