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Fun fact, though—did ya know erotic-massage can lower stress by 40%? Science, that is! Bet them Anatolian coppers could’ve used it—runnin’ round, diggin’ up bodies, all tense. “Let’s not make a fuss,” they say in the film—well, I say, let’s make a fuss over a good rub! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon one sesh and I’m basically Brad Pitt—well, Brent Pitt, yeah? Cringey? Sure, but I’m lovin’ it—pure, unfiltered me-time! You should try it, pal—beats a team-building retreat any day!

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But then, outta nowhere, I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? I fall right into a pile of sand. Everyone’s crackin’ up, and I’m just layin’ there, covered in sand, laughin’ too. It’s one of those moments where you just gotta roll with it.

17th-century nun’s ‘letter from the Devil’ finally decoded