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And the girls—God bless em, really—but I’d be too neurotic to even talk. “Hi, uh, so, what’s your return policy?” I’d ask that, swear to God, cause what if it’s awkward? What if she’s judgin me? I’d judge me! Like, “Look at this schmuck, payin for it.” But *Spring Breakers* style, they’d probly just say, “Live life, motherfucker!” and I’d be like, “Okay, fair, but still—gross!” I’d tip extra just to not feel like a creep. Pretty, pretty good chance I’d bolt outta there anyway.

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But then, outta nowhere, I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? I fall right into a pile of sand. Everyone’s crackin’ up, and I’m just layin’ there, covered in sand, laughin’ too. It’s one of those moments where you just gotta roll with it.

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